this is for your own good

i want you to know i have a free spirit, and wild heart.
sometimes my mind takes me places i should never go. i get mad, but mostly sad.
i go crazy, but not on the inside. i let it out. sometimes, only some, i let it all out. all that crazy simmering inside of me; i just let out. it's never dainty. and rarely in the "right way."
i can cry and yell with the best of them, and beat the most. i get nervous and spit things out that are best left unsaid.
i will always laugh. even if it's inappropriate. it is my one safeguard, safety net.
when i cry. i mean really cry, the aftermath is written on my face, still, days later.
i can go up then down. and in my mania resolve and acknowledge that ive jumped to ill conclusions. but that's just the way my brain works it's not like yours, with your calm rationale.
i am woman, and this nature reminds me that it's in my veins. it keeps my pulse, though rarely steady, beating heavily down
my thoughts stream rapid. flowing and gushing down my riverbed that doesnt look to rest.
i want you, no i need you, to embrace this wild life that i set free. it's free to be had, shared and learned. but hardly understood.
so understand:
this crazy, let it live

i cannot sleep as sound
as you
tossing a turn without the warmth just wont do
too stunned to shake in my wake
these bones ache
to be nourished
allowing the hunger
what's there left
to feed on
but the leftovers and passing ups than downs
i lie leftover; disregarded
my mouth shares a few quiet lies
to rock me to sleep

i made history all by myself

a months time gone by
you arent mine anymore
but four slowly went
im only a little sore
from them four before
making history this month
we are history
i miss you
oh yes i do
i so miss you
but im getting by
yeah
i want you to know
im getting by
ill get by
somehow
we always get by

and we all want to be looked at
her wet red lips scream for attention
but never the right kind
for her
a too low cut shirt
revealing what she doesnt have
what she wants to have
just to be looked at
not the right kind of attention
no, no

buttoned up to the neck
it's all so dull
browns and greens
carefully a mess
this is her attention
a pendant or two
loudly whispers
just ask where this is from

now pay attention
this is the right kind
but not for her

this pair
rely much too on their wit
than a mirage of cleavage for the look
this is their attention
just pay attention
to uttered, and mumbled
love me, love me, love me
that's all they ever say
if you read between the lines
of misheard banter
never to misspeak

they all just want you to love them
please just pay attention
look at me
and think of me lying next to you
come morning
will you then pay attention

as this starts and ends. so we begin. and began.
here we are.
but what's more is this body quivers at the thought of reuniting.
and we will come together.
and we go farther.
she's starving for more.
yearning for more than a date's excuse to reignite.
time passes slowly with just air between us.
let nothing stand in our way.
with lovers in hands.
explore what's bitten.
to quench.
like starving teenagers would.

so hold

it's cold outside

all i keep thinking
about that thought
conjured by sleeplessness
how sweet it would feel
to be with you
on a street side
with gravel beneath us
swaying
with me in your arms
for longer than it calls
we'd just stand
holding on
and i'll let out
all the breath i anticipated

i am a restless soul
so creativity finds me
in the night
when it's best to remain quiet
but i tremble with the need to create
while i wish to indulge
and i do so
loudly
in the night