viva mexico.

each day i feel more alive.
because i live.
i am living.
and i am leaving.

feeling so alive.
in my lone.
i leave to live.

i am pumped.

courage to leave

wait for you.
ill leave.

courage spread.
so softened.
only melt.

wait for you.
ill leave.
and harden.

selfless self,
absorbed.
she lives inside.
and out,
she beckons.
hopeless ear.
selfish self
beats her down.
her heart beats down.
quiet pound.
hidden break.
for your sake
wait for you.

ill leave.
and linger.

declarations

i do declare the state of being
to be sprawled and exposed
disre-g[u]arded is the shape of her body
she breathes
what was confided
to only take away
an arrogant confidence
can you blame him kinda girl
beings drunk away
now she cowers like a stupid teenage girl
full blown with insecurity and hatred
relying on signs
and consistency because it's inconsistent
rather than the air
that snagged so many
those are yesteryears just yesterday
a word would keep her going for days
a look for weeks
and both for months
now she has it all
to keep her going
but she's gone
she doesnt believe
his air he longs to breathe
to reshape her body
he does declare

this is for your own good

i want you to know i have a free spirit, and wild heart.
sometimes my mind takes me places i should never go. i get mad, but mostly sad.
i go crazy, but not on the inside. i let it out. sometimes, only some, i let it all out. all that crazy simmering inside of me; i just let out. it's never dainty. and rarely in the "right way."
i can cry and yell with the best of them, and beat the most. i get nervous and spit things out that are best left unsaid.
i will always laugh. even if it's inappropriate. it is my one safeguard, safety net.
when i cry. i mean really cry, the aftermath is written on my face, still, days later.
i can go up then down. and in my mania resolve and acknowledge that ive jumped to ill conclusions. but that's just the way my brain works it's not like yours, with your calm rationale.
i am woman, and this nature reminds me that it's in my veins. it keeps my pulse, though rarely steady, beating heavily down
my thoughts stream rapid. flowing and gushing down my riverbed that doesnt look to rest.
i want you, no i need you, to embrace this wild life that i set free. it's free to be had, shared and learned. but hardly understood.
so understand:
this crazy, let it live

i cannot sleep as sound
as you
tossing a turn without the warmth just wont do
too stunned to shake in my wake
these bones ache
to be nourished
allowing the hunger
what's there left
to feed on
but the leftovers and passing ups than downs
i lie leftover; disregarded
my mouth shares a few quiet lies
to rock me to sleep

i made history all by myself

a months time gone by
you arent mine anymore
but four slowly went
im only a little sore
from them four before
making history this month
we are history
i miss you
oh yes i do
i so miss you
but im getting by
yeah
i want you to know
im getting by
ill get by
somehow
we always get by

and we all want to be looked at
her wet red lips scream for attention
but never the right kind
for her
a too low cut shirt
revealing what she doesnt have
what she wants to have
just to be looked at
not the right kind of attention
no, no

buttoned up to the neck
it's all so dull
browns and greens
carefully a mess
this is her attention
a pendant or two
loudly whispers
just ask where this is from

now pay attention
this is the right kind
but not for her

this pair
rely much too on their wit
than a mirage of cleavage for the look
this is their attention
just pay attention
to uttered, and mumbled
love me, love me, love me
that's all they ever say
if you read between the lines
of misheard banter
never to misspeak

they all just want you to love them
please just pay attention
look at me
and think of me lying next to you
come morning
will you then pay attention